Firstly...Hi to anybody who may have got terribly lost and finds themselves reading this strange little thing of mine. I'm nervous i have to admit, I've never really dared to put the monotony of my brain into print before so please bear with me.
I suppose i should start by telling you a bit about me? well I'm dreadfully dull, i work, eat, go to the gym (rather reluctantly I'll admit) and then i sleep. I'm 23 years old and short, reaching and incredible 5ft1 at a push. I'm not thin and I'm not fat. I have OK hair, nothing special and certainly nothing dire. Green eyes and a big nose, and one slightly mis-aglined tooth that's only really visible when i smile. I have a boyfriend who is ten years older than me, three cats and a snake, I live in a tiny one bedroom house that i love very much but the probably needs alot more love than i can give as its getting quite old now. I work full time at a job that i don't mind with people that i don't mind, so in a nutshell i find myself feeling very average in just about as many ways as you can be average.
So now you know a lot more about me its time to explain why i have suddenly decided to vocalise these semi-depressing thoughts, the reason being....i want something bigger. I'm bored with 'safe' and 'ok' and worst of all 'fine'. I don't want to be told i look fine, i want to be told i look amazing or stunning or even just lovely. I was in the gym this morning, bleary eyes, puffy faced with my hair a state and the most emarrasing pair of jogging bottoms in the world on trying to get stuck into a weights session (it was supposed to be cardio but i didnt have the nessecary dedicationfor 6am cardio), when this lovely pair of girls walked in. Both were around my age and very attractive, the sort of attractive that combines both natural beauty and a skilled hand at make-up and general grooming. My boyfriends head whipped round when he clocked them in the mirror then very guiltily he faced straight ahead and behaved in a very decent manner but his initial reaction got me thinking, I never inspire that reaction when i enter a room, i slink in and out with my head in the clouds not really paying much attention to anything. So as aware as i am that some might think this to be a whim based purely in vanity i have decided to attempt the impossible and try to morph into one of 'those' girls. Its not that i want men drooling over me, i simply want that confidence and that degree of pride in how i look. Im trying some how to turn from a scruff monster (who still acts like shes's five mostly ofd the time) into a polished and confident woman. In all aspects, not just my look but my friends, my hobbies, my career, my luck in general....its time to take my life off hold.
So this is the start of my quest for SOMETHING BIGGER, which I'm guessing is about as dickish as it sounds but I'm trying my best not to care so maybe you could try your best not to judge me too harshly?!. I thought it may be fun to keep a log of my exploits, not that i can promise they will be even mildly entertaining but maybe i will surprise us all. If you feel like checking in and seeing whats going on with me, possibly even to give yourself a little bit of a boost ;-) then feel free.
I hope this doesn't go terribly wrong....
Zoe T xoxo
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